Choose your own Simpsons Adventure
by UndeadSamurai01
Summary: Note: Do not actually choose your own Simpsons adventure that is just the title.  Due to the poor quality and utter stupidity of this story I do not recommend it be read by anyone.  take that South Park
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: People who are familiar with my other stories may be somewhat shocked at the utter randomness that is this story. My other stories were carefully planed out - this however was written completely off-the cuff. I originally posted this on a forum as a "Choose your own adventure" type story - but instead of giving multiple choice - I let them chose to do anything they could imagine and thought up each new segment afterwards. The results are as follows:**

You wake up just like you do every morning, but almost immediately you realise that something is wrong. For a start the walls are pink. You open your eyes more fully and you notice that you are in a room you've never been before, but somehow it looks familiar. In another room, someone is watching the Simpsons with the volume up real loud.

You rub your eyes, but just as you are taking your hands away you catch a glimpse of them. You slowly bring your left hand up into your field of vision. You stare at your hand in disbelief for several seconds and then begin to scream. For the hand you see is bright yellow with only four fingers.

Marge bursts into the room her blue hair brushing against the door jam. She kneels down next to your bed.

''Lisa!'' she says worried ''what's wrong?''

Your mind is racing. This can't be real, you think to yourself, but you decide to play along for now. If this is a dream, it's a good one.

''uh...'' you say, surprised to hear Lisa's voice coming out of your mouth ''n-nothing, just a nightmare. I'm fine.''

''Ok'' says Marge ''don't worry about it, I made waffles for breakfast, but you better hurry. You know how your father is...''

With that she left the room, leaving you alone.

You get ready for school, you're not really sure what to pack so you look for a timetable, until you remember that Lisa is still in elementary school and doesn't really have separate classes. So you just jam in a couple sheets which look like homework and head downstairs for breakfast.

Just as you're leaving your room however you trip on a skateboard and fall flat on your butt. Bart, you think to yourself. You can hear Bart's laughter as he approaches you.

**Find out what the readers chose next chapter - which I am posting right now...**

**Just to be clear you DO NOT vote, the decisions have already been made and the story already written - furthermore 'Choose your own adventure' stories are banned from FanFiction. So please DO NOT report this story for that, because it IS NOT that. /sigh. =P**


	2. Chapter 2

**The readers chose to 'throw the skateboard at Bart'**

You grab the skateboard and hurl it at Bart. With ninja like skill Bart catches the board and tucks it under his arm.

"Nice try Lise," he gloats "but you'll have to do better than that."

He drops the board to the floor and skates down the hallway, narrowly avoiding your grab as he passes you and skates down the stairs.

Wow, you think, so that was Bart. He's alot more annoying in person. As you're walking down the stairs you cast a practiced eye over the Simpson house. You can immediately pick out the HD graphics, everything looks so vibrant and clean cut. Damnit, you think, I'm stuck inside season 21!

You reach out and touch the hand rail on the stairs, and recoil in supprise. It has a sheen and luster of plastic, but you can feel the grain of polished wood. Curious.

"Lisa" calls Marge "Hurry up or you'll miss the bus!"

You slide down the handrail, afterall you're only young once or twice.

Dashing into the kitchen you grab a waffle in you hand and take a bite out of it as you continue your way back out of the kitchen towards the door. Marge grabs you by the arm.

"Have a good day at school honey" says Marge

You resist the urge to recoil as she gives you a kiss on the forehead, you might look and sound exactly like Lisa, but it's still you inside, and this is so... wrong.

"Bye Ma-mom" you call as you run out the door, glad that Marge starts with the same letter as Mom.

As you get outside the schoolbus pulls up and you can see Otto rocking out as the doors hiss open.

**What will happen next? If you can guess it then you are a total weirdo.**


	3. Chapter 3

**The readers have chosen to hijack the bus and drive it to the mall - RANDOMNESS POWER ACTIVATE!**

You run and get onto the bus. It's strange to get used to the fact that your legs are so short, but you make the bus none the less. Seemingly out of nowhere a musical cue plays as the bus pulls away.

You quickly glance down the row to revel that there are no seats free except for on the front seat, next to Martin.

"Hi Lisa" squeaks Martin "you know I did and experiment on the effects of Sodium Chloride on biennial organisms?"

Man, you think, it's too early in the morning for this.

"Riiight" you say "or, you 'salted' some 'plants'. Using big words doesn't make you smarter you know. And no, I didn't know Martin, but I also don't care."

"Is something wrong today Lisa?" asks Martin

This is getting boring, you decide, if this is a dream it's time to make things interesting. You look out the window of the bus and see Springfield mall. Time to do some... shopping.

You jump out of your seat and move to the front of the bus.

"Wow girl-Bart," says Otto "you can't be up here."

You see the trailing cord of the headphones and seize your opportunity. You unplug the headphones from his walkman and let the cord fall to the ground.

"Nooooo" screams Otto as he dives for the cord with both hands

You grab the wheel and turn it sharply stomping down hard on the accelerator. You can't actually see over the dashboard, but you can hear the tires screeching in protest, and feel the shuddering jolt as the bus mounts the curb. Somehow you manage to avoid hitting anyone or anything as you drive crazily at top speed through the car park, the massive diesel engine revving far beyond its design intent, creating an increasingly high pitched roar.

The bus hits the front of the mall, glass shatters and metal framing is torn from its mountings. The front tires have popped and the windshield has shattered. But the bus keeps moving forward

"I can't die," you laugh maniacally "cause I'm Lisa Simpson. Hahahahaha!"

The bus rockets across the marble flooring until there is an enomous jolt. The front axel is torn clean off as the bus hits the front wall of the water feature, but the rest of the bus continues into the fountain. The great engine aspirates water and finally dies with a squelching cough.

"Last stop," you say, turning back to your frightened classmates "end of the line."

Hahaha, you'd allways wanted to say that line. Bart was the first to recover from the shock.

"Way'ta go Lise!" he yells "alright everyone lets all go nuts!"

Once again seeming from nowhere music starts to play, it"talkin' 'bout my generation"

You pull the door release mechanism and all the kids come screaming off the bus, ready to party. Otto looks at the water lapping up around his ankles.

"Wow," he says "trippy!"

**I know I was as surprised as you - well actually I don't know how surprised you are, but I assume it's 'very'. What will they choose next? You may think it can't get any more random, you may also be mistaken. Find out in THE NEXT CHAPTER!**


	4. Chapter 4

**The readers have decided to 'drive to the zoo and taunt the animals'. Once again this would be somewhat OOC for Lisa, but remember that this is not actually Lisa who is doing these things.**

You jump out of the bus and wade through the knee high water fountain, glad that your red plastic sandals are waterproof. As you are exiting the fountain you see security guards running towards the stricken school bus, you take that as your cue to exit.

Sprinting across the concourse you burst trough a door into the service access ways. You run through the maze like corridors until you find an exit door. It takes a second for your eyes to adjust to the bright light. You are running down the street.

What can I do now? You wonder. Suddenly you have an urge to go to the zoo, but unfortunately its about 20 minutes walk away. You see the cars driving by and have a devious idea. Why Not? you ask yourself, it worked in the Simpsons game didn't it?

You run up to the traffic lights and wait for them to turn red. Just then a Lamborgati Fastarosa pulls up. Jackpot. You can see Ramier Wolfcastle is driving it.

You run over and pull open the door. At the same time you pretend to cry, the effect heightened by the small cut on your forehead from the bus crash.

"Help," you sob "there's been a terrible accident"

"Don't worry little girl" says Wolfcastle in his thick German accent "I will help you."

Just as Ramier begins to get out of his car, you kick him in the back of the knee, knocking him off balance for long enough for you to jump into the Lamborgati and floor it.

The bright red Italian Sports car shoots off the mark the all wheel drive system spinning all four tires simultaneously, the 12 cylinder 6 liter engine revving up to 9000rpm, turbos wining in tandem as they suck in the cold morning air. As you hit 50mph the dual-clutch gearbox shifts into second while the on-board computer dials up a burst of torque and stiffens up the rear suspension to avoid bottoming out during the shift. It's an an awe-inspire ballet of precision engineering that takes all of 53 milliseconds.

But that's not the only reason you chose this car. Mostly its because you are so short that this is the only car low-slung enough that you can see over the dashboard.

You approach the zoo and you brake the ABS System coming online engaging the four 20" ceramic disk brakes in a pulsing pattern, bringing the car to a controlled stop.

You see that the front gates to the zoo are wide open and a smile crosses your face. You rev the engine like you're at the grand prix and the zoo attendant gets the idea and dashes out of the way. You tear down the narrow pathways between the enclosures, ripping the e-brake Tokyo Drift style and skid around the corner. Leaving the zoo animals coughing in a cloud of vaporized rubber.

"Suck it ya' dumb animals" you yell out the window "come find me when you can build a race car!"

In the distance you can hear sirens as the police are no-doubt closing in on your location.

**What will happen next? More randomness of course! Tune in next chapter for more crazy action!**


	5. Chapter 5

**The readers chose to 'Find a rifle in the glove compartment and start firing at the cops' and also to 'jump out of the car and land in the lion enclosure'. Hopefully I have done this in a way which will not offend anyone.**

You reach over into the glove compartment and are shocked to find an M4 Carbine. You pull it out and check the magazine. Sure enough it's full. You slot the magazine home and pull back the slide cycling a round into the chamber.

Right, you think, lets see how those cops like me now. You jump out of the car only to fall almost 12 feet strait down. Your ankle twists awkwardly and you drop the rifle.

You hold your throbbing ankle with both hands, you flex the foot, pain shooting up your leg. Okay, you think to yourself, it's probably not broken, just sprained. As you look up to survey your surroundings however your blood goes cold, for you realize that you have fallen right into the lion enclosure. On your left you can see some cute little lion cubs, but as you look to your right you see a lioness and she looks pissed. Adrenaline is coursing through your system and the pain in your ankle is forgotten.

You glance over to where the rifle has fallen, just out of reach. You look at the lion and then over to the rifle calculating distances and speeds, the world slows to a crawl your heart thumps in your ears. It's going to be close.

You dive for the gun, just as the lion lunges. It misses you by a millimeter, razor sharp claws hissing through the air. You scrabble for the rifle, finding the trigger. Rolling onto your back you pull the trigger.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

You fire off three shots into the air, the rifle kicking viciously into your shoulder. This is enough to scare the lion slightly. You slowly back away, towards the ladder out of the pit rifle at the ready. The lion seems to regain some confidence and starts moving towards you so you fire off another round, freezing it in it's tracks.

You put the strap over your shoulder and, holding the rifle pistol grip you start to climb the ladder with your other three limbs. Once you're above jumping height you sling the rifle over your shoulder and quickly ascend the last few feet.

Climbing back onto ground level you see the police starting to arrive and surrounding the Lamborgati. They must have heard the gunfire though... you think to yourself.

You start to run, but you are then painfully reminded of your ankle. You hobble around a corner into the reptile house and try to think for a minute. You catch sight of your reflection in a glass window and you are a truly fearsome sight. There is some dried blood on your face from the bus crash your teeth are gritted in pain and slung on your back is a rifle that's so big is almost drags along the ground. You never thought you would see Lisa looking like this.

You hear footsteps approaching. What the hell, you decide, it's not like they're real people. You flick the safety off the rifle and pop around the corner, firing off three rounds into the policeman's center mass.

And nothing happens. The rifle fires, but no bullets impact.

"God damnit!" you yell throwing the rifle on the ground "they're blanks!"

You really should have known. After all, Wolfcastle is a movie star, the rifle is probably just a prop from one of his movies.

You pop your head around the corner again and see that there is three policemen now and they have their handguns drawn, but they're being more cautious now, trying to surround you rather than move in.

**That's right - a blank gun. I thought using live ammo might be taking it a little too far. Is Lisa going to die in a shootout with police? Keep reading to find out!**


	6. Chapter 6

**The readers chose to 'escape through a manhole cover you find behind you'.**

Using the barrel of the rifle you manage to pry open a manhole cover which you assume leads to the sewers. You try to hold your breath, but the wave of stench never comes. Looking down you see that the hole leads not to the sewer, but to a conduit filled with cables and pipes. The conduit is cylindrical and about 3 feet in diameter. Lucky you're not claustrophobic.

You lower yourself into the conduit and drag the cover back over the hole wincing at the booming sound it makes as it falls into place. The conduit is in absolute darkness except for two shafts of light which slice through two rectangular holes in the cover. You start to crawl through the darkness hand over hand. One pull, two pulls... the air is dusty, but breathable and you struggle not to cough. 15 pulls, 16 surely that's far enough...

Ah, you remember. You fumble with the rifle for a second and find the barrel-mounted flashlight. You switch it on and the beam burns a path through the dusty air. The beam fades off into the distance. The conduit could run for miles, but there's sure to be other access points on the way.

Carrying the rifle while crawling was awkward. It kept getting caught on the wires. You suppose you have to get rid of the rifle anyway. It's evidence, and you can't think of a better hiding place than this. You try to wipe the rifle down to remove your fingerprints, but you have no idea whether you're doing it right, after all, your experience in this area is pretty much limited to crime shows and video games. You remove the barrel-mounted flashlight, the laser sight and the strap, never know when they might come in handy. Then you hide the rifle as best you can behind some bundles of wires and keep on crawling.

352, 253. You two shafts of light just a bit further on, another access point. Finally. You'd been beginning to get the feeling that you'd made a terrible mistake. It wasn't like you could turn around in the conduit and you didn't want to think about crawling all the way backwards.

You reach the cover and try to push it upwards, but it won't budge. It feels like it must be rusted in place. Ok lets try this a different way, you think. You put your feet up onto the cover and push with all your might. The cover 'pops' slightly and some blood red rust falls from around the edge. You slide the cover open and pop your head out. You are in the parking lot outside the zoo. You can see the police cordon, but you are mercifully, on the outside. You switch off the torch and climb out. You close the cover as quietly as you can and limp over into an ally. You are covered in dirt and sweat, your dress has some tears in it and you are breathing heavily. Your ankle is throbbing in rhythm with your heart, the cut on your forehead has mostly stopped bleeding, but you have a couple more minor cuts on your back from cable brackets in the conduit.

Note to self, you internalize, don't do that again.

You need to get some new clothes, looking like this you stick you like a sore thumb. As you limp through a residential neighborhood you see a child's bike out on the lawn. Bingo. You circle around the back of the house noting that there are no cars in the carport. Looking through the windows you can't see anyone home either. Finally you check for alarms. Nothing obvious, but that didn't mean there isn't any. You'll have to do this fast, if the Simpsons was to be believed you'd have about 28 minutes before the police arrived. You take out your flashlight and use it to smash one of the windows. Carefully you knock out the remaining shards from around the bottom of the frame, and climb in.

You walk down the hallway checking each room. Living room. Parent's room. Aha, kid's room. You walk over to the dresser and take out some clothes, a pair of slightly too big jeans and a gray T-shirt which was a pretty good fit. You also take some shoes as well, hiking boots, They'll fit well enough with two pairs of socks, you decide.

5 minutes. 23 minutes to go. Too easy, no wonder there were thieves in Springfield.

You go to the bathroom and take a two minute shower. Afterwards you dress your wounds using the medical kit and wrap your ankle. 10 minutes. While looking through the cupboard you also find some brown hair dye. Good idea, the police will be looking for a blond girl. You dye your hair, forcefully reminded of 'To Surveil With Love'.

You can't resist.

"Dye, Dye, dye!" You laugh.

15 minutes, you change into your new clothes, wincing as you pull on your right boot. 17 minutes. You take a backpack and put a water bottle in as well as a pack of cookies. 19 minutes, you find $300 and a hand gun in the parent's bedside table. You take the money (you don't really need it but it helps make it look like a real robbery), but leave the gun. Guns have already caused you enough trouble today. 22 minutes. Time to leave. You jump back out the window, wincing as you land on your injured ankle and you hop the back fence.

**So 'Lisa' is now a fugitive from the law! This is what happens when people think they can do whatever they want without consequences, but are there consequences? Find out next time on an all new 'Choose your own Simpsons Adventure'!**


	7. Chapter 7

**The readers chose to 'head back to the Simpson's house'.**

You walk along the street back towards the Simpson house. A police car drives past, and you try to act natural but the car pulls over next to you. Chief Wigam gets out and approaches you.

"Hey kid" he says "Shouldn't you be at school"

Drat. You hadn't thought of that.

"Well you see officer -" you mumble

A look of recognition crosses the chief's face.

"Lisa!" he says suddenly friendly "I almost didn't recognize you, I didn't know you were dyeing your hair again. Well you wouldn't skip school on purpose. Cummon I'll give you a ride back to school."

Well this is a lucky turn of events, you think to yourself.

"No thanks," you say "I don't have school today, but if you could give me a ride home that would be great thankyou."

"Sure thing Lisa" he says "hop in."

It feels great to finally sit down and get off your feet. Looking your watch you see that it's already noon, and you feel really hungry, kind of faint actually. It's not that surprising really, afterall your body is only eight and you have done an enormous amount of physical exercise this morning. You eat some cookies from your bag and start to feel abit better.

Wigam drops you off at the Simpson house and you head inside, noting that Marge's car is not present. She must be out shopping or something. You go around the back of the house and use the tree to climb into your bedroom window. Once your inside you have a couple minutes to think. You need to get rid of these clothes, they're evidence too, and seeing as you are quite likely wanted for hijacking, wanton destruction of public property, assault, grand theft auto, driving without a license, reckless driving, trespassing, animal cruelty, possession of an unlicensed firearm, discharging a firearm in public, attempted murder, resisting arrest, breaking and entering, burglary, lying to a police officer, and truancy you decide that it's probably not a great idea to get caught.

You decide to burn them, along with the backpack and your original clothes. The rifle components and money you hide under your floorboards, you'll have to get rid of them later. Everyone saw you hijack the bus though... Oh well, you'll just have to say it was an accident - they'll probably believe you to, after all what eight year old would deliberately hijack a bus?

You take the evidence out into the back yard and put it on the concrete slab that Lisa put down for Homer to build a BBQ pit. You pour some methylated spirits on it which you found among the cleaning supplies, light a match and set it all alight.

"Hey Lisa, what are you ding dong doodly doing?" babels Flanders

"Oh hi Mr Flanders..." you say, stalling for time "Uh, I'm just burning these clothes, um, because they have, er, lice in them."

Yeah that hangs together. You're quite proud of yourself.

"Okaly dokaly" says Flanders, going back into his house

Phew.

It isn't really ideal to burn the evidence in this way, they'll be able to find traces of accelerants and mabye even identify DNA from the origional owner of the clothes, but you figure if they get suspicious enough to analyze the soil in your back yard you are already sunk. There's bound to be fingerprints on the Lamborgati and there'll be DNA all over the conduit where you cut yourself on the brackets. No, this should be enough to fool the family though.

You hear Marge's car pull up out the front of the house and you decide to hide in the attic.

Sitting alone in the attic in a new spotless orange dress you have nothing to do but think. This can't be a dream, you decide, it's too real. Pain would normally wake you up from a dream, but you're still here and you're in alot of trouble. What the hell is going on?

Suddenly there is a sharp pain in your head. What's going on? Where am I? You think. Except that makes not sense, you know exactly where you are. I'm in the attic and its light out, you think, but what did I do today? How did I get here?

Your head feels like its being struck by an icepick, and you struggle not to cry out in pain. After a moment the pain starts to subside and a thought occurs to you. Lisa? you think to yourself. Why would I think my own name, you think. Except that it's not really you thinking - its Lisa.

With that realization you begin to be able to sort out your own thoughts from those that Lisa is having and you try let Lisa think for herself. Okay thinks Lisa, I have to think about this. Lisa pulls her legs into lotus position, wincing as she touches her right ankle. Lisa's mind slowly goes blank and you find yourself being sucked into blackness.

You find yourself floating in blackness. This is your real body, not Lisa's, because Lisa is floating in front of you and she looks intrigued.

"What are you?" she asks her voice seemingly coming from all around you "and why can't I remember anything since this morning?"

You are utterly stunned. You are an intruder in someone else's mind and you don't even know how it happened.

"Uh" you say "I don't know... I just kind of woke up this morning and I was... er, you."

"Huh?" she asks "hold on a sec, I'm starting to remember something."

The blackness around you suddenly becomes a blur of color as the whole scene rewinds to the beginning. Together you watch the events of the previous day unfold. At the end Lisa looks at you, speechless with rage.

"What in god's name were you thinking!" she yells the sound reverberating within your skull. "Is this some kind of joke to you? You nearly got me killed, you destroyed my life!"

"Let me get this straight. You wake up in a strange place so you suddenly decide it's ok to steal stuff and kill people? Why would you even want to do that stuff? You're sick!"

"I'm sorry" you cry "I didn't know, I thought this was a dream! This can't be happening you're just a TV character!"

"What?" she says "yeah right, what kind of weirdo would want to see what happens in this family?"

"No, no" you reply waving your hands defensively "it's actually really good, I mean there was this one episode where your bother cheats on an IQ test and they think he is a genius so-"

"-alright alright," she cuts in "I believe you. Just get out of my head."

"Um, how?" you ask

"I don't know, like will that it were so or something" she replies

You close your eyes and will with all your might that you were back in your own body. Unsurprisingly nothing happens.

"I can't do it" you say finally

"Well then just be quiet" she says.

The blackness recedes as Lisa opens her eyes. You're still there, but not in control, sort of watching through Lisa's eyes. You stay silent for the rest of the day, just watching as Lisa talks her way around the bus incident. Gotta hand it to her, for a goodie two-shoes she is a great liar. Eventually Lisa goes to bed and falls asleep.

Chapter 2

You wake up in your own bed in your own body. Thank god you breathe. It was just a dream.

"Oh no it wasn't" teases Lisa from inside your head "cause I'm still here!"

She laughs evilly.

******Oh oh! How are you gonna get your way outta this one? Find soon in the next chapter!**


	8. Chapter 8

**The readers chose to 'stay home, try and see a psychologist'. Kinda boring if you ask me, we'll see.**

**A/N: I have decided to continue this story based on the review I have received, however in accordance with site rules I will no longer be taking directions from the readers. I have a direction I want to take this story in but, in order to do so I will be making some minor changes to this chapter. The story will still be written in second person.**

The shock sends you reeling. This can't be happening. You get up and pickup the phone. You need time to think this over and you are in no state to go to school today. You call up your friend and tell him you won't need a ride today. There, you think, now I have all day to sort this out. As you put down the phone however your mind suddenly goes blank.

The next thing you know you are sitting on the floor in the middle of your bedroom. Arrayed around you is pretty much every piece of Simpsons related material in your house, there are a couple notebooks with some fanfiction, a sketchpad with some fan art, 'The Simpsons Handbook', a couple DVD's, some comics and even a rolled up poster that you could never quite bring yourself to hang on the wall.

The sun is now streaming in the window and you can tell that at least an hour has passed. You have the same sensation as you did when you were in Lisa's head – as if you are watching from behind your own eyes. Lisa is in control. You manage to shake your head, regaining control of your body.

"Hey!" you say out loud "What are you doing, you had no ri-"

"Oh, so I have no right?" shouts Lisa taking over your voice once again "That didn't seem to stop you from getting me killed-"

"Stop it!" you yell, wrestling back control "You're alive aren't you? I had no idea that was real – for god sakes you're a fictional character!"

"No I'm not!" she screams, you let her take control this time "I-I… it's not true!"

"Look around you" you say, more calm this time, "I trust you've already seen most of it"

"That doesn't prove anything" she says stubbornly

"Well then what about the fact that you exist only in my head?" You counter

"That's circular logic" she replies, becoming more rational "How do you know you're not the one in my head? And for that matter, I know I exist, I think therefore I am!"

"But how do I know that you are thinking?" you argue "For all I know I'm just imagining you, imagining that you think. I can prove to myself that I'm real, and you can do the same, but neither of us can prove that the other exists. Not with absolute certainty. The way I see it there is one of two possibility's here, from a purely objective standpoint. Either a) one of us is a figment of the other's imagination, or b) We both exist, and our consciousness' have somehow become entangled."

You both sit and think about it for a little while. Finally Lisa speaks up.

"Good reasoning," she commends "but you missed the third option."

"Oh?" you question

"That we could both be a figment of the imagination of a third person" She replies "No wait- she says you were right. Because 'I think therefore I am', never mind I was just being stupid."

"No, no" you says "I was thinking about that too actually – or was that you thinking? It's so hard to tell now."

At that you both start laughing, well really it's only you laughing, but you can feel Lisa's mirth within your thoughts. It wasn't really anything you said that was funny, more just the situation as a whole.

"What is all this stuff anyway" asks Lisa suddenly, gesturing to the surrounding Simpsons stuff "It kinda creeps me out, especially the stuff written from my point of view. It's like you knew what I would be thinking."

"I guess it would be kind of like when you wrote 'The Chronicles of Equalia'," you reply "You always knew what the Queen was thinking didn't you? Come to think of it you even escaped into her world for a while, so that would be kind of like what happened to me last night."

"Err, yeah" says Lisa slightly frightened "can you not do that, it's really creepy. You shouldn't know so much about me."

"Just imagine you're a celebrity" you say

"I never wanted to be a celebrity" she snaps back

"Well actually, there was that time when you were Krusty's sidekic–" you begin

"Shut up!" she yells cutting you off "Sorry, well just stop doing that.

**Yep. Just a very minor change - just to make things a little more interesting.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Good news everyone! I have decided to continue this story. If you have been reading this since before I posted this chapter, please re-read the previous chapter, I have made a small but important change. If you CBF to read it here's what you need to know: The protagonist is now a high school student rather than a university student, and he lives with his family not on his own.**

You continue to talk (to yourself lol) for a couple more hours you talk politics, environment, social justice, even a bit of history, until you get hungry. You decide to make yourself a sandwich, and naturally you get out the bread, the butter, the cheese, the ham-

"ewww!" says Lisa "You're not seriously going to eat that, are you? You know I'm a vegetarian!"

"I thought the point of that episode," you say "was that you learned to let others make their own decisions."

"We've been over this - no quoting of 'episodes'," says Lisa "it's not fair."

"Still," you reply "why shouldn't I eat this?"

"Well, then I would be eating it too." She explains "besides it's barbaric!"

"I know as well as you the way in which this meat was produced," you say "We've all seen the stories. The high density factory farming, the cruelty the animals have to go through, I can understand your position, I really can. But it just doesn't bother me enough to make me stop eating meat, maybe that makes me a monster - but that's the way I am."

"Oh" mumbles Lisa a bit shocked "well I know you believe in global warming don't you know that -"

"Eating a vegan diet will reduce my carbon emissions by up to 6%" you interrupt "yeah I know, look you're not going to be able to convince me, I've heard all the arguments."

"Fine." she says in a huff, "but you owe me after what you did when you were me."

"Alright" you say, reading her/your own mind "so long as you're in my head - no meat, but my family is going to find it pretty weird if I suddenly profess to being a vegetarian."

"You know full well I had to go through the same thing." she counters

"Yeah," you reply "but I'm practically carnivorous and I've argued against vegetarianism on moral, environmental, health and theological grounds whenever the topic has come up."

Lisa sighs and drops the line of argument

_30 minutes later..._

You hear a key turn in the lock. You younger brother has arrived home from school. There are just four members of your family, you (14), your 12 year old brother Max, your mother and your father. You don't go to the same school as your brother, he has a scholarship to play rugby at a private school, and you play guitar at a creative arts school.

"Hi Jack!" calls your brother from the other room.

"Hi Max!" you call back

[Alright] you think to Lisa [no more talking out loud, if you want to ask me something just think it.]

[Fine] Lisa thinks back

You try and think of what to do next, you guess you could watch TV, or...

[Don't you have any homework to do?] thinks Lisa

[yeah, right] you try and think sarcastically [like I would do homework.]

[Don't tell me your an underachiever] she thinks back [like my brother]

[Well no, actually I get all A's, I'm just really bored - none of the classes are challenging]

[What about the teachers though?]

[What about them?]

[Aren't they annoyed that you don't do any work?]

[Some are and some aren't, I just don't really care about the ones that are. My science teacher thinks I'm a genius, my math teacher hates my guts and the rest fall somewhere in between.]

You decide to play your guitar for a while. it's an electric, but you tend to play unplugged, so as not to disturb the rest of the family. You're practiced fingers find their places on the frets and you grab one of the many picks you have spread across your room. You start with one of your songs from the school band, but partway through some of the notes remind you of another song and you shift over to that. You get lost in the music, transitioning from song to song until your fingers get sore and you decide to give it a rest.

Your timing couldn't have been better, for just as you set down the guitar you are called for dinner.

[remember, no meat] thinks Lisa

[easy for you to say] you snap back.

When you get to the table your family is already seated. They are eating sausages and mashed potato.

"Hey Jack" says your brother "I just watched terminator today and I was thinking, if they went back in time and succeeded in their mission, then in the future there would be no reason to send them back and so there would be no-one to complete the mission."

"Grandfather paradox eh?" you say, scooping some mashed potato onto your plate.

"Is that where you go back in time and kill your grandfather, but then you don't exist and couldn't have killed him?" replies Max

"yeah, that's the one" you confirm "causality is always a problem with reverse time travel. Some scientists have theorised that there is an infinite number of alternate realities branching off from our own. It helps explain part of quantum physics where electrons can take multiple paths at the same time. The idea is that when observed the universe branches into different alternate realities, one for each of the paths the electron is taking. Anyway - some scientists have appropriated this theory and used it to remove the paradoxes from backward time travel, the idea being that going back in time would thrust you unto another alternate reality, and hence any changes you made to the future of the new reality wouldn't affect the reality you came from, and causality would remain intact."

"your food's getting cold." warns your mother "unless you can go back in time I suggest you eat it now."

You look at your plate of mash disdainfully and eye the sausages at the center of the table.

[eww, I can see you imagining eating that meat] thinks Lisa

[you thinks that's bad, I can feel you wanting to throw up when I think about it] you think back

"It's impossible to go back in time anyway" Max observes "you would need to travel faster than the speed of light, and it requires an infinate amount of energy just to get there."

"That's true - but that isn't the only way to travel back in time." you say, waving your fork "gravity affects time."

You take another bite of food and then continue, using your fork to gesture in mid air.

"Look if you imagine that the surface of a mattress is the fabric of space-time if you place a bowling ball on the mattress the fabric will bow inwards, representing a slowing of space time within it's gravitational field. If you then take a marble and place it somewhere on the mattress it will be attracted to the bowling ball as if under the force of gravity."

You have given up gesturing in mid air and are now sculpting your mashed potato in an effort to describe the concept.

"Now the bowling ball represents something like, say, a planet. Now imagine a black hole. The black hole is so heavy that it will tear a hole strait through the fabric of space-time, theoretically creating a wormhole to somewhere else on the space-time continuum. Thus taking you back in time."

You stab a hole in your mashed potato to make the point.

[is dinner always like this?] Lisa thinks incredulously

[pretty much, if it was politics or history my parents would be joining in though] you think in response

"That's bull!" says Max, condescending "anything which goes into a black hole would be crushed into a singularity, you can't use that as a time machine."

"There you may be right." you concede

The rest of the night passes uneventfully. You plan on reading once you go to bed, but you fall asleep as soon as your head touches the pillow.

Chapter 3

Just as your eyes close, Lisa's eyes snap open. This not sleeping business is hard to get used to. You don't feel tired, but it's very disorienting.

**Well that's the new chapter, hopefully you didn't find it too boring. I based the new family, much as Matt Groening did, loosely on my own family. That is a dinner table conversation that has happened in my house, hopefully it didn't bore you all too much. No doubt you are all familiar with the Alternate Universe (AU) theory, if you have spent any amount of time on this site, I may be utilizing it later in the story, and this has laid the groundwork for it. Don't worry, more crazy stuff is coming up.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Right. My watch reads 00:54 so, theoretically, I should be asleep. But I'm not, I'm writing this story, we all must be crazy to waste our time doing this - but that's just my 2 cents. I promised someone I would update one of my stories by the end of today (technically yesterday at this point) so here I am.**

Chapter 3

Just as you close your eyes Lisa's eyes snap open. This not sleeping bussiness is hard to get used to. You don't feel tired, but it's very disorientating.

[You still there?] asks Lisa

[Miss me?] you reply sarcastically

[Just wondering]

[What're you gonna do today?]

[Hopefully, something which doesn't involve car crashes]

[Aww, you're no fun]

[...]

[Kidding, kidding, geeez]

You let Lisa have control. She has breakfast and makes it to school without incident. The first lesson of the day is geometry, and ms Hoover isn't even trying to make it interesting. As Lisa looks around the class you can see that no-one is paying attention, well except Lisa of course.

"Ms Hoover?" Asks Ralph

"Yes Ralph?" she says distainfully

"What's a triangle?" He asks quizically

"It's a shape with three sides" She answers, apathy dripping from her voice

"Ms Hoover?" asks Ralph again

"*Sigh* Yes Ralph" She says rolling her eyes

"What's a shape?" He asks seriously

At this Ms Hoover is stumped. Rather than attempt to come up with an answer she simply shakes her head, and goes on with the lesson.

[Boring] You think to Lisa

[This isn't boring it could be useful one day]

[You know I'm in your mind, right? I can tell when you're lying. You learned this stuff when you were five]

[So?]

[So, why not learn something new?]

[How?, I'm not going to skip class, if that's what you mean]

[No, actually I was thinking I would teach you]

[Really you'd do that for me?]

[Well it's not exactly like I have anything better to do]

"Ok" Lisa says out loud

Teaching through the mind link proves very effective. Although you don't have total access to eachothers minds, you can read the surface thoughts. Geometry proves to be alot of fun as Lisa can see you imagining the shapes in three dimensions.

[I wonder] thinks Lisa

[What?]

[I wonder if I could teach you something...]

[I don't see why not]

Lisa begins to imagine a saxophone, floating in mid air. It is exquisitely detailed, every key and rod in it's place, there are even some scratches in the metal's surface, it is the saxophone as only a player knows it. You don't so much have to memorize it as it is almost downloaded into your brain. Lisa imagines her fingers holding the saxophone and you can feel the familiarity of the muscle memory. You can hear the sound which each key will make, feel the way in which you have to blow the sax to get the best sound.

[Wow] you think

[So you think you can play the sax now?]

[Definitely, I feel like I've been playing it all my life]

[That worked better than expected, I guess skills are easier to transmit over the link...]

[...Wanna learn how to SCUBA dive?]

**I give up. That'll have to do. It's 2 am. The chapter ends here. I see if I can write more ****tomorrow.**


	11. Chapter 11

"Stop, puny Earthling" says the alien "I grow weary of your constant use of second person narrative - switch to omniscient third person or be DESTROYED!"

"How about first person?" Asks Jack timidly

"You test my patience!" yells the alien "very well, you may use first person. But only if you stop using that infernal present tense. It hurts my thought processing gland."

"Alright" I will say

"Arrrrrrg, no future tense either." said the alien "Just for that you are no longer allowed to use the letter 'q' now get on with the story!"


	12. Chapter 12

**I've had this chapter sitting on my hard drive for a while now - figure I may as well post it - it's set up for the next chapter.**

Saturday

"Alright," said the Sensei "now Jack is more experienced, so try to make it a bit more difficult. 90% speed, 30% power.

"Hai!" exclaimed the three students

They formed a triangle with me in the center, foam padded katanas pointed inwards towards my chest. I was unarmed.

"Begin!" sensei commanded

They began to circle, attempting to disorient me before the first strike. I had to break the circle, but I couldn't charge with their swords ready to impale me. A student raised his sword to strike and I seized the opportunity. Side-stepping the blow, I lunged inwards before he could reset, one hand controlling his wrist, the other palming his face – to simulate a strike to the eyes. His head snapped back, moving his center of gravity backwards.

Before the second student could strike I put the first into a shoulder lock and shoved him back into the second. Just in time I noticed the third student was now behind me. I turned to face him just as he cut horizontally. I threw myself backwards, but still felt the tip of the sword brush against my chest.

"Flesh wound" called the sensei "continue."

I was now laying on my back, the third student ran towards my and I rolled backwards, coming up into a low crouch. He made the mistake of getting too close and I dove forward, tackling him to the ground. At this point he should have dropped the sword and brought up his hands to defend himself, but he did not. I swiftly punched the air in front of his throat, simulating a killing blow.

I picked up the discarded sword just in time to block a downward cut from student two. Still kneeling I deflected the blow at 45°. I grabbed his wrist, standing as I did so, and used his forward momentum to perform a hip throw. Once he was on the ground I put the blade of the padded sword against his throat. Two down, one to go.

Rather that fight my last opponent in a duel, I employed a somewhat unorthodox tactic. I threw my sword at him, startling him for a second as he tried to block it. Meanwhile I picked up the last sword from student 2 and charged, cutting him down where he stood.

"Very good" praised the sensei "Now strike at me."

"Hai!" I yelled, steeling myself against the pain that was sure to follow. My sensei had a particular fondness for demonstrating nerve strikes.

I struck upwards at 45°, but found only air. Sensei moved cobra quick, grasping my wrist in a technical lock (omote-gyaku), forcing me to drop the sword. Then he twisted further, forcing me to my knees. I attempted the counter-lock, but he was ready, shifting into a strait wristlock (ori-gyaku), then to an arm bar, laying me face down onto the mats. I twisted out of the arm bar, only for him to progress to a shoulder lock, pressing my face into the mats, and forcing me to tap out.

"You have learned every technique in the syllabus, but still you fight with an Earth feeling, you are strong and precise," instructed sensei "but before you can attain your black belt you must learn to be like water, flowing seamlessly from attack to defense, like fire, attack as defense, like wind, forceful yet untouchable, and as the void, using deceit and misdirection."


End file.
